Therapy can help parents know themselves better and raise their children better. A mother and father, parents of two young girls, were in treatment with me. The mother was in therapy addressing her tendency to flee strong emotions from within herself and from others. The father was in therapy addressing his tendency to avoid spontaneity and disturbing emotion by controlling a situation or others.

The mother presented for her session appearing anxious and on edge. She said to me, “I don’t know what to do. I started working part-time because my old boss needed help but I’m not enjoying the work anymore. At first, it seemed like it would be good to interact with other adults and get back into work when the girls are with a sitter. I want to do my best when I’m working, but I’m always thinking about my other responsibilities at home and about my girls. When I’m with them I worry about work responsibilities, and I have less attention and patience for them. I want to be the best mother or worker I can be and give it my all, but I can’t do both.”

“So, what will you do?” I asked.

“I don’t want to leave my girls so I’m going to stop working, I guess.” She responded sounding unsure.

“It sounds like you’ve made up your mind. What’s the problem?” I probed.

“My boss is sensitive. I think she’ll take it hard. I’ve heard her complain of something like this coming up before.”

“Is there anything else?

“My husband keeps asking me what I’m going to do. I think he wants me to keep working and likes the extra money.”

“You were clear about what you want and what you see is best for you. I have no doubt you’re the best mother you can be when you follow your gut about what’s best for you.”

“Did you know that almost every time I see friends and family they ask if I’m working or ‘How’s work?’” she added sounding defeated.

“Really? What’s that like?”

Becoming animated and nearly shouting she said, “It’s crazy! Why is it weird for a mother to be home with her children? Why is it weird for me to take care of things at home and not also work somewhere else? I get it ALL the time!” she shouted.

“That is crazy! It’s as if everyone is overlooking how important it is for a mother to be with her young children. There is a lot of pressure it seems against you: making your boss happy, your husband happy, and all these people with ideas about what you should be doing with your time.” She paused for a moment while thinking.

“I can handle that,” the mother said firmly sitting up tall.

“I know it,” I responded with confidence.

Edited and posted with permission of the ACO.