Therapy can help parents know themselves better and raise their children better. A mother and father, parents of two young girls, were in treatment with me. The mother was in therapy addressing her tendency to flee strong emotions from within herself and from others. The father was in therapy addressing his tendency to avoid spontaneity and disturbing emotion by controlling a situation or others.

The father told me during one session that he had been having brief moments of panic. When I asked him what he meant by “panic” he explained, “It’s not a panic attack with my heart pounding and shortness of breath but maybe just a second or two of thoughts of something terrible happening to my kids, sometimes an image of something horrible. My daughter falling down the stairs and getting seriously injured. A flash of my wife and kids being horribly murdered in a home invasion.” As he became tearful, he went on, “I’ve never been suicidal before and I’m not now, but I could see not wanting to live, God forbid, if something happened to one of my kids.” These experiences did not occur regularly and were not sustained but he noticed that he was now being more cautious and at times limiting what his daughters could do fearful that one of his horrible thoughts might come true, even though also knowing this was unlikely.

I asked him how he felt between these episodes and he said that he had been feeling well. In fact, he said, he had been enjoying his family more than ever. “Dr. Burritt, just the other day we were all at the kitchen table sitting down having cereal, it was a regular old day, and it was wonderful. My wife was drinking coffee across from me, my one daughter figuring out what sounds she could make with her spoon on different surfaces, and my other splashing in her milk. It was a moment of pure happiness and I’m lucky to have them all.” What we discovered together was that his anxiety and intrusive thoughts and images were a sign of his increasing pleasure and his being at the limit at times of what he could tolerate. I asked him to tell me more about his time playing with his daughters at the park or driving to the grocery store with his family singing silly children’s songs. He started to tear up and then began to sob as he felt moved by his love for his family and his satisfaction with how things were going as the family grew together. I encouraged him to stand what he felt and to not add any limitations to his daughters when he felt anxious but to allow and follow their needs as he was doing and continue being a great daddy.

Edited and posted with permission of the ACO.